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Mother’s Day
Like most moms, my mother’s matriarchal labors of love have gone unrecognized by the general public. There was no editorial in the local paper praising her for the two times she dropped everything to bring me an enema so I could drop a much needed deuce in my junior high bathroom. The time she held my hand while the attractive female resident at Cardinal Glennon Children’s Hospital did a sonogram on my testicles after a friend rang my bells with a soccer ball created no internet buzz. And to this day, no one knows what my mother purchased for my wife and I to ensure our wedding night was as enjoyable as possible. And yes, these stories are all 100% true.
Then there are celebrity moms, who are always in the spotlight. I’m sure they have their shinning moments, but the paparazzi is never around to capture them on film. So, I just wanted to take this time to thank my mother for gracefully covering us with her love, as apposed to gracing the cover of US Weekly.
Melanie Griffith lighting up her 16 year-old daughter Dakota's cigarette.
Does anyone else notice how Ashton Kutcher never takes his eyes off Bruce Willis when he's around. Demi Moore's teenage daughters are sure to be in therapy at some point asking the question, "Is it normal to want to make out with your stepdad?"
Who can forget the uproar caused by Britney Spears for driving with her infant on her lap back in 2006.
In 2009, Frances Bean Cobain filed a restraining order against her mother, Courtney Love. The restraining order claimed that her mother killed their cat and dog, threatened to burn down Cobain's boyfriend's house, and that Love exists now on Xanax, Adderall, Sonata and Abilify, sugar and cigarettes.
It's been said that Jaid Barrymore used to take her daughter Drew to Studio 54 when she was still in diapers. Drew began drinking at age 9 and snorting cocaine by the time she was 13. In 1995, Jaid posed for Playboy Magazine, just eight months after her daughter had done the same.